from me

I wrote this in summer of 2022 while studying at library, and titled 'Just a scribble". Actually the fist two paragraphs were wrtitten towards Shelly. Reading this in months, I can feel the worries and depression I had then. Especially the last paragraph makes me so sad.

I just lost a way. I know the right direction but not the exact way. You're not that different with me, so I won't ask for a brilliant solution or a creative idea.
We're just bunch of youths who don't know where to go. There are so many gifted, talented people in the world. I can't even win the ones around me, then how the hell will I be able to win people all around the world?
I've wanted to major in physics for a long period of time and I do so now. Unfortunately the world is full of geniuses and obviously I'm not one. I'm just perfectly normal, easily-seen person with only few things special. One thing bit different with others is that I like.. things. I was once a fangirl, and currently I'm interested in the universe, europian languages, music, physics and math. Wait I suddenly got a hope cuz I have a potential to be super enthusiastic about sth. I miss the time when I was crazy about everything.
I blame the god for not giving me any talents. I could have born more beautiful, smarter, or more full of hope and passion. I wish I was the 'lucky bastard'. I know I have to be thankful for what I already have, but that's never easy. Why is life so so so unfair? Why do most people have to try their ass off to achieve sth? And why do some people never have to try to earn sth? And why am I not one of them?
Jesus, please give me a hope and strength and let me notice my potential. Please give me a will and patience so that I can go through all these even crying. Please tell me I am full with potential. Don't let me give up on myself.